The Dark Thoughts That Plague My Mind

What the Fuck is wrong with people?! No seriously, can anyone answer this?

2005-12-31T03:35:01Z

Okay, so I got bored and just started web surfing. I just put in random things on google and one of the things that popped up was a "scientology-kills.org" website. I was curious, because I knew a little bit about it.

Most of which thanks to my American Philosophy professor (One of the best I've had in my last 5 semesters at my Uni) but yeah, we were in Philosophy class and we were speaking about Thoreau or was it Peirce, well that doesnt matter. Anyway, speaking about some crackpot philosopher and their theory and the convo on Scientology came at hand, and I hadnt laughed that hard in a class in a long time :P He was classic, making fun of them and all, my favorite was the Xenu story x_X (They should just make it into a sci-fi movie already). But since most people probably dont know it I'll tell you a bit of it. More as pre-emptive measures for anyone who might be interested in the most crackpot "religion" in history. (Note: It's not a really a religion it's a cult masquerading as a religion in order to get tax-cuts)

Xenu Story:
Xenu was an alien who lived in this part of the galaxy when the planets were over popuplated. He went to each planet and took a certain number from the planets then arrived to Earth. Once he got here he took the people he got from the planets and threw them into a Volcano and then threw H-Bombs into it to kill them off. Then as humans began to populate the Earth, certain people ended up getting these "Thetans" or the souls of the dead and of course Scientology is here to 'help' you. (*Cough* Crackpot *Cough*)

Okay, so that's the story they tell their members after they've been brainwashed into giving them all their money and posessions. After reading up on it I couldnt help but think of that episode of the Simpsons where Homer joins the Humanitarians.

To anyone with half a brain and has ever spoken to a Scientologist who is seeking for you to join the 'church' please read up on their bullshit. They only want your mooney. As the founder of Scientology said (And I quote)...

"Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion"

That leads me to something else...

Rant:

But it boggles my mind how ANYONE could be so stupid to be sucked into such a piece of shit "religion." By now people already know I'm an agnostic, and to me religion is just a subject where I can ramble on and on about how women were treated like shit (And still are in some religions.) How people killed and maimed and pretty much persecuted other people as they've been persecuted to have them join their ranks, and other such hypocrisis.

The truth is my qualm is with the religion itself. I have no problem with God. And certaintly none against Jesus. I love Jesus, he taught equality, he taught love for everyone. He treated everyone with respect, he didnt turn anyone away. He lived his life trying to TRULY help humanity (more specifically, the Jews of the time). He saw the worth in everyone. The problem was that Jesus message was lost between the 100 years after his birth.

Prior to the John's, Paul's and any such people of the Bible, the 100 years directly after Jesus' death were marked with prosperity for everyone. Women could become priests and other high ranks in the church. People loved one another, they confided in their fellow men and they truly helped them. They lived their lives like Jesus THE Christ did and preached. But then in comes people who come frm a predominately Greek way of life which taught it's peoples that women were trash, that they werent even fit in the ground they walked in. They praised Sodomy saying it would be better to sleep with another man tha to 'defile' yourself by sleeping with a woman. They pretty much took the status change women had been getting from Jesus time- up to 100 years after his death, and brought it to naught. Women were then treated like trash and we werent allowed to amount to anything. And on the subject of Mary of Magdelene, dont even get me started. It's already been told she wasnt a prostitute (On another note, I cannot WAIT to see 'Da Vinci Code' :D).

And in going with that look at the Adam And Eve story. They TRY to make Eve seem like the villain but what it's trully showing is Eve's competence and intelligence. Because let's face it, she MADE the decision to eat the apple while Adam just obliged. So whose really the smart one? It certainly wasnt Adam. They may both have been 'cast' from paradise, but Eve got cast out on a decision she herself made, while Adam got cast out for being the thoughtless dumbass who did as he was told.

It's not only Christianity though. Look at the Islamic religion. These fundamentalits pretty much twisted the words in the Q'uran. It never said women had to cover themselves up. It only stated women were supposed to cover their hair because only the husbands were allowed to see it, because it was the jewel of a woman (Cant really remember it all but it was something along those lines). And of course people twisted that up, and you have women living in Islamic countries being killed because they showed a hand or a little bit of flesh. I guess the problem lies with the fundementalist that take the words literally instead of figuratively. At some point you wonder if people ask themselves "Is it possible for this to have really occured?"

What lead this little rant? I have NO idea. Maybe because reading up on the bullshit this Scientology "Religion" was speaking about, worked me up. Truthfully I'd take Christianity over that any day. Mind you the words and some of the more important things in the Bible might have been twisted, messed up or left out all together, but at least we know Jesus really existed, while the story of Xenu, ends up being just that, a story.

(On a final note, I have to thank probably the best professor I've ever had, Prof. Pamela Monaco, because if it werent for her I probably would have still remained pessimistic with the whole Christian religion, but I know better, I mean I knew what Jesus did, but never to the extent I'd learnt this semester. To any of the ladies (or anyone in general) out there who get a chance, if you have a "Women and Religion" class offered to you, take it. I promise you, although a lot of the subjects will be infuriating, you will learn a lot about women's treatment. And if the professor who teaches it is a woman whose also a feminist, you'll have a great time *Grumbles* Which brings me to job #2 To try and get my professor's job back. Fucking bastards -_-; Which reminds me...*grumbles even more* Time to search for a class to replace my "Women in the Bible" class *sniff* )

Tis the Season...

2005-12-21T23:49:52Z

Alright, I decided to check out the Brother Luwis site on La Salle's Page to see if they had my grades up yet or not. I thought the bums would actually wait until Friday to put them up but nope....so you could guess my suprise when I saw them up. And I must say, I cant complain!!!

ENG 305 41 Fiction Writing I Day B-

PHL 303 A American Philosophy Evening A

PSY 240 A Effective Communication Evening B+

PSY 310 A Statistics I Evening C- (Biggest surprise of the Semester since I thought I was failing and after the meeting with Dr. Noodle, I thought I could only manage a D...but nope. So thank you Gorgeous Dr. Noodle)

REL 241 A Women & Western Religion Evening A-

My GPA for the semester is 3.07! And for the past 5 semesters is 2.82.

So it's celebration time!

On Cloud Nine

2005-12-01T20:15:31Z

So I had a meeting with DR. Noodle today.

It was short, probably lasted 7 minutes, at most. We were discussing my grade for my class. I'm failing it. Damn evil Statistics! >_< But either way, he seemed concerned. I'm failing, I'm barely getting a D- minus, but he told me to stay after class on Monday so he could grade my quiz and tell me if I passed or not.

The entire time I had to control myself. I had to stop myself from smiling too much, or even going all giggly. That man is breathtakingly gorgeous.

His smile is incredible, his eyes are unbelievably beautiful.

If only dreams....or stories came true, right?

So here's to another semester of hopefully staring at a God among men.

What the....whoops...I logged into the wrong LJ...but I'm too lazy to change it, so it stays x_X

And yeah, if you've read the story and read this post, yeah it's semi-biographical, mostly the wanting part, the physical description, the smile...God damn you, Doctor Noodle!

atrociousdemon @ 2005-11-30T11:50:00

2005-11-30T16:50:37Z

I'm posting this for Krissy, more than anyone else but you all are welcomed to read =p

Mariangelis
Professor Grauke
Fiction Writing
English 305
Story #2 Revision
11-30-05

The day seemed to fade into night in a matter of minutes. I’d just gotten into my Statistics Class. It was the first day of class and I was already dreading it. I hated math with a passion but this was a required course. I remember asking around to see if there was anyway to skip it, but it wasn’t happening. I kept getting the same responses. As a criminal justice major you have to take it. So here I sat waiting for the horror to begin. I pulled out a few materials and looked around. The room seemed deserted. There wasn’t a soul in here. My only thoughts were everyone just ran as fast as they could away from the classroom.
Halfway between a reverie, I heard the door open. Someone had just come in; they looked around then walked back out. I figured they were in the wrong classroom. As I turned my head to look at the clock I noticed him. Gorgeous, was the only word I could use to describe him. He had shoulder-length brown hair, and beautiful green eyes. Even though he was sitting down I could notice part of his physique and his upper body looked incredible. I saw him turn his head and smile at me, and I felt my heart beat faster. I smiled faintly, then opened my notebook and scribbled a few things down. The entire time I just thought that maybe Statistics wouldn’t be so bad, not with this God among us.
The door opened again and this time people started filing in. It lasted for a good ten minutes, people already striking up conversations, when all I could think of was where the professor was. He’d yet to make an appearance and I hoped he wouldn’t be here so we could leave early. As I turned to get another peek at my Adonis, I saw him stand up and move to the blackboard. He picked up the piece of chalk and started writing on the board. My eyes slowly turned wide and I turned away. Great, my Adonis just turned into my worst nightmare. The man who had, moments before, brought me into a school girl’s mindset, was really my professor.
“My name is Steven Brower, and I’m you’re Statistics professor for this semester,” his voice interrupting my thoughts. I turned to his direction, listening up to what he was saying. “I’m a third year Grad student in one of the programs here, so if you think I don’t understand what you guys are going through, you’re wrong. Before I pass out the syllabus, I’m going to go around the room say your name, year, and major.” He smiled, and instantly I melted. I felt my phone vibrate and I looked down, then noticed I was sitting on the first seat by the door. I groaned then heard his footsteps as he came close to my seat.
“Okay, you start.”
“My name is Samara Nielson. I’m a junior and a Criminal Justice Major.” I said quickly. I noted a smile come across his features before he turned to the next person.
The class flew by quickly after the introductions. He passed out the syllabus, went through one of the problems quickly and called it a day. As the students filed out, I decided to take my time, to get another quick look at him. I dropped my pen on purpose and took my time picking up. I raised my head slightly, glancing at him, and hoped my cheeks weren’t turning red. I got up quickly and walked out of the door. When I knew I wasn’t in view, I leaned against the wall, looking up smiling. “God, he’s gorgeous,” sighing dreamily, I hurried out of the building and headed home.

“If any of you are having any troubles with the material please speak to me after class,” he said.
“Alright, now that that’s said, let’s get started on this week’s material.”
I lowered my head, copying the things he wrote on the board. I was one of the people having trouble, but it wasn’t so much about the material than a distraction. I understood what I was doing, the only problem was keeping myself motivated enough to keep my eyes on the paper, rather than on him. It was becoming more difficult now. I read the books, even met up with some of the people in my class and had study sessions, but when test time came, the instant I looked at him, everything I’d learnt seemed to just fade.
“Okay, class’ over. See you next week.” He said suddenly, at least it felt sudden to me.
I got up, intent on moving past the aisle, faster than the person sitting next to me, but before I managed to step forward I saw a hand on my desk. I turned quickly, to see it was his. I eyed the arm silently. Damn even his arm looked hot. I looked at his eyes, smiling a bit, not wanting to frown. I was always told body language dictated how people acted towards you, and the last thing I wanted was to have him act mean towards me.
“I want to speak to you about your grade in your last test, Samara.”
“Of course, Professor Brower.” I said, looking at a paper he had just placed on my desk. I cringed. It was a horrible grade. I looked up to him, unsure of what to say. I failed that test horribly.
“Are you having trouble with the material?” He asked, almost seeming concerned.
“Yes. I have trouble when it comes to test time, aside from the fact that I can’t understand standard deviation.” I was lying through my teeth about the standard deviation, but at least the test time bit was true.
“If you’d like I can work with you outside of the classroom, of course.”
“What?” It was the last thing I had expected him to say.
“I can tutor you, Samara,” he said.
“That sounds like a good plan, sir.” I spoke, trying to contain the smile that was fighting to get out.
“Steven, please. And what if we started tomorrow at the library?”
“Sounds good, Steven,” I said quickly.
“Alright, then tomorrow at 4.” He picked up my test and moved over to his desk.
“See you tomorrow, Steven.” I bolted out of that classroom.

“Four fifteen.” I said, looking at my pencil. He was fifteen minutes late. Maybe he forgot, I thought, or maybe he had to attend to something more important. I looked up when I heard a voice coming from the door. It was him. His hair was all over his face and he looked wet. I sat up straight; pulling my notebook and calculator in front of me He walked right up to where I was sitting at, and pulled off his jacket.
“Sorry for the lateness, I got a bit preoccupied over at my office.” He said.
“It’s alright, I understand, probably grading tests.”
He nodded. “Yes, and double checking my answers.” He sat down, and pulled his briefcase onto the table.
“Alright, where to begin,” He leaned forward, holding a pen in hand, and a yellow notebook in front of him. “You said something about having difficult with Standard Deviations, right?”
I nodded. “Yes, this right here actually.” I opened my textbook to a random page that dealt with the material and just pointed at it.
“Okay, this is simple enough,” He tore a piece of paper from his notebook and started working out a problem. As he moved his hand though, I noticed something that hadn’t been there before. Maybe during my times admiring him, I spent too much time on the physical, and not on the essential. There was a ring on his ring finger. I groaned inwardly. How could you be so stupid, Samara! I neglected to find out the most important thing. He was married. Sure it was just a crush, but even I have my standards. I don’t try to crush over married men. I tried my best not to frown or look disappointed, so I just paid attention to what he wrote.
“And that’s how you do it. Alright, you do this one,” He pointed to question number 5, and I started writing in my notebook. I didn’t look at him, I just did the problem. When I didn’t look at him, it made it much easier. I finished the problem in five minutes, and then pushed my notebook towards him so he could check it.
“You learn quickly when you want to.” He said.
“Yeah, it’s because I have a good professor,” I smiled briefly, and then felt something ontop my hand. I looked down, it was his hand. I kept my eyes down, not sure of what to make of this. This is NOT happening. Was this his way of saying he liked me or what? He was married though, couldn’t be true. I pulled my hand away, and got up quickly. It was true, I was infatuated by him, but he was married.
“Thank you, Steven. I’ll see you next week.” I walked out of the library faster than I’ve walked out of any building. I made a turn to get to my car, and vaguely heard my name being called. I turned back, to see Steven coming up behind me.
“Samara, I’m sorry for what just happened in the library,” his eyes seemed sincere to me.
“It’s alright. I’m sure your hand just slipped or something.” I could already feel my heart beat a mile a minute. He was very close to me now. It was something I had dreamed about more than once, and now that it was actually occurring it just felt odd.
“I didn’t mean any disrespect.”
I could see his reflection from the window of my car. I looked down at the keys I know grasped in my hand. He looked good even with his hair all over the place. I put the key into the lock and then turned to look at him.
“I honestly didn’t I’m not sure of what got into me,” he said.
“Neither do I. Maybe you were just nervous, don’t make anything of it. It’s alright Steven.” I opened the door. “I’ll see you on Monday.” I put the key into the ignition and then just drove off.

The Mondays seem to drag on now. I still have my crush on Steven, except now it’s mixed in with these awkward stares we give one another. At times I wondered what he was trying to play at. At others I was just glad to have his attention. By this point, I’d done everything in my power to forget about him, but the image of his hand on top of mine, played in my head constantly. Our tutoring lessons, they were becoming difficult as well. Maybe it’s my mind playing tricks on me but I swear I sometimes see him staring at me. And by now he’s noticed the looks I give him. Mostly though, I stare at the ring on his finger, wondering of the possibilities of what could have happened if it hadn’t been on his hand, or if I had noticed it. Today was another tutoring session, this time in his office instead of the library, and as always I couldn’t stop staring at him. His hair was nicely tucked on his face. His green sweater accented his godly body. And that smile, made me feel giggly inside.
“Correlation, is one of the things you’ll really need to know, especially if you’re going to grad school. I know I’ve said that about a lot of things, but this one you will need to know.” He said and broke through my thoughts.
I looked up at him and nodded. “I spoke to someone who had this class before and they told me. She said it was best if I spent my time trying to learn the formula.”
“She’s right. I know this is the most difficulty many students have in. But it’s a good thing it’s the last thing we’ll cover for this semester.”
“I forgot this is the last week before finals.” I sighed inwardly. I’d totally forgotten that I wouldn’t see him until next semester, if at all. During registrations I registered to take the second part of the course with another professor but now I wasn’t so sure if I could handle not seeing him.
“Yeah, but let’s hope your final is an A.” He stood up.
“Definitely,” I said.
“That’s it for today. Just make sure to study hard, Samara. I really would like to see you pass the course.”
“Thank you. So would I. Thanks for all the help you’ve given me this semester.” I smiled shyly, feeling a little embarrassed.
“It was my pleasure,” he said, while his eyes probed me, at least that’s how it felt.
I stood up, grabbing my things and headed for the door but before I walked out I felt his hand on my shoulder. I turned slowly and looked at him. “Yes, Steven?”
“Samara, before you go, I just wanted to give you this.” He placed his hand on my chin, and brought it up, moving his lips slowly towards me and pressed them against mine. My eyes shot open. Woah. Woah. What in the world’s going on? This is not happening. I must me sleeping, right? I pulled away, staring at him in shock but also happiness.
“You’re married. You shouldn’t have done that.” I turned the doorknob and walked right out, closing the door behind me. I shouldn’t have been so happy, he was married after all. This was just wrong. Yet I couldn’t get the feel of his lips on mine, from my thoughts. It was a dream come true. Something I had never thought to be possible and it had just happened. When I got outside, I looked behind me to see if he had followed. He didn’t, so I just got into my car and decided to drive around.
It was almost three hours since the kiss in his office. I couldn’t just go home and dwell on it, so I decided to drive for awhile, to just get my mind off things. I must have gone through a lot of the blocks around town. I remembered even circling one or two a few times. I ended up in this really nice neighborhood. It had the quintessential white fences and the families with two children playing with the dog in the front yard. I vaguely remember, what had brought me here, but something made me stop at a house painted tan. It was nice looking house. Something I’d aspire to get when I had the proper job and money. The chimney was blowing smoke; there was a nice car in the driveway, and I could see the shadows of two people from the window in the living room. One was a woman and the other was a man. The woman seemed unhappy, she was arguing with the man. I could only wonder what had caused that war of the word.
I vaguely remember hearing the door open and a familiar voice fill my ears. I didn’t turn for fear that I was right in knowing who it belonged too. I began to hear footsteps move away from the door. I took the chance and turned slowly. Standing outside was the woman. She’d just gotten into her car and slammed the door shut, driving away. I looked towards the doors, and my heart stopped.
I gripped onto my steering wheel, trying to decide whether I should just drive away now, or make myself known and seem like a stalker. I turned, looking at the ignition, my thoughts clouding my surroundings. That was until I heard a knock at my door. I turned slowly, and there he was. I didn’t know what to say or do, I could just speed away now and make pretend it didn’t happen, but then I would still have to deal with him once class time came. I pulled the window down, and leaned forward to look at him.
“Hey Steven.” I said barely audible.
“What are you doing here, Samara?”
I took a small gulp, he probably thought I was stalking him. “I was driving by just looking at homes, and came upon this one. I didn’t know it was yours.”
“Yeah, it is. Sorry for what you just saw,” he said.
I nodded. “It’s alright. At least you can hope your wife calms down before she gets back.”
He eyed me weirdly, I noted. “Wife? That’s not my wife. She’s my girlfriend. More of a ‘was’ actually.”
The instant I heard that, I didn’t know how to react. He wasn’t married! It seemed like everything around me had brightened up. I tried to hide my contentment, but a smile crept onto my face.
“Really? Well then I hope you find someone else,” I said quickly.
He started laughing. “I don’t think that’ll be happening soon, although I think I’ve already met someone else. She’s this lovely girl she has dark brown hair, hazel eyes, an enchanting voice, and she’s intelligent, that is when she’s not staring at me.”
My cheeks turned red. I unclasped my seatbelt, and opened the door, standing up to look at him. “And who would that be?”
That signature smile came across his face again. “I think we both know who I mean. But if you want me to say it then I mean you.”
My smiled widely. “So you noticed then?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t too hard. I got the hints when you always looked down when I was near your desk.”
“I guess it might have been obvious.” I said, laughing.
“Yes, it was. And I got to know an exceptional woman along the way, so I couldn’t be too unhappy,” he said.
“Exceptional? Me? No way. I just know how to stare without being noticed. But glad to know I was being noticed.”
“Likewise,” he said turning to his house. “Would you like to come in and have some coffee with me?”
I smiled, and nodded. “I’d like that, Steven.” I grabbed my keys and closed the door. “Lead the way.”
“Of course, M’lady.” He waited until I was right next to him before we started on our trek towards his house. I had gotten my wish. It was something every girl with a crush dreamed about, getting the man of our dreams. While this was mostly a rarity, I was one of the very lucky few to have this come about. The whole while, stressing, over whether he was married or not, made me realize that maybe this wasn’t just a crush, maybe it was something more. But who really knows? All I know is that I have a god at my side, one who’s intelligent, caring, and notices me. My only thoughts lie with what’s to come, and hoping this story ends up getting a happy ending after everything’s said and done.

Join and Help the Victims of Hurricane Katrina

2005-09-03T06:37:59Z

http://speakup.oxygen.com/campaigns/neworleans/register/8c5cd326a7cb908993faf4296d19865f/

My Thoughts are with you New Orleans and it's Residents (Possible Rant Ahead)

2005-09-01T21:40:51Z

I dont why I'm posting this, maybe because what happened with Hurricane Katrina affected me more than I would have thought. I've been watching the news, and it's amazing to me how much time the News Programs in Philadelphia are dedicating to informing us of what's occured in New Orleans. I'm also assuming this isnt just in Philly but probably everywhere around the country.

When I heard about Katrina I thought it was going to be like most other Hurricanes and not cause as much destruction as it has, but man, was I wrong. Everytime I put the news on all I hear is about what's become of the once great city of New Orleans. And it's not just the news, even when I log into GAYOHELL I find myself reading what they have to say about what's occured.

I cant help but get so affected by it all. The people who live in New Orleans are all mostly African-American, and of low socio-economic status, and I honestly wonder how much aid our 'beloved' (please note the sarcasm) government is going to offer to them. Most of the city is fucking destroyed and mostly all the residents there dont have a dollar to their name, so what he fuck are they supposed to do? I read something interesting in a GAYOHELL report when I signed on to read my mail, and it struck me:

"FEMA has been here three days, yet there is no command and control. We can send massive amounts of aid to tsunami victims, but we can't bail out the city of New Orleans."

And it's true. How is it that when another country needs our aid we manage to send insane amounts of money and help (quickly, mind you)to them, but when things happen here we can barely muster up aid to help those victims? How fucked up is that?

I mean, I still cant believe what I heard that these people probably wont even have a chance to go back to their 'homes' (Or what's left of them) for months, if not, years. So what's going to happen to them? What gets me most of all, is the number of kids who dont have a home. The families who will probably get screwed over, because let's face it, with the type of money the government is spending on the war in Iraq, how much aid could they possibly send to a city that's nearly devastated?

I guess I just needed to rant. But seeing so many of those stories just really got too me. I hope that the victims of the Hurricane in New Orleans, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida manage to bounce back and rebuild their homes, their cities. But most of all, I hope that the City of New Orleans manages to fight and keep themselves alive.

My thoughts are with all the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Rarity

2005-05-22T03:44:41Z

This is my third attempt with this post, the first version was supposed to be a comment, which then turned into a post, which then turned into a deleted one. Then I re-wrote it and deleted it again. But either way, I may not post on LiveJournal anymore but I do try my best to read what's been going on in a certain few lives.

I know some know I've been detached and melancholic lately. Well those whom I still talk too, because I havent exactly been on MSN a lot either, more for personal reasons. But anyway, yeah, I'm detached, cold,...hmm..maybe heartless would be a good word here...This is turning into a rambling session but oh well. But...

...Yeah. I'm NOT going to apologize for that. I have no reason too. The last few weeks have seen some really fucked up shit in my life and the fact of the matter is that there's only ONE person who knows, and they know whom they are. Can you imagine that though, one person, out of all my online 'friends'. The way I see it, is it's my life so what's the fucking point of telling it to anyone, ESPECIALLY people who fucking act like they care when they dont. I'm a pessimist and a realist, and if you dont like what I'm saying, well guess what kiss my fucking ass. I know this sounds harsh, but frankly I really dont care.

But for those who still give two shits about me, and what I've been up to, here, I'll tell you in a post so I wont have to go into details on an individual basis. And this is really the first time I'm exposing myself in such a public forum, because some things should remain private, but here's a taste of the real world, kids:

Month or so ago: My stepfather was arrested for Domestic Violence, I spent a night at a fucking police station giving a fucking report of what happened and what he did against my mother.

He comes back and everything is alright, until May 12th (or last Thursday):

He cuts his own throat, he's bleeding, MY MOTHER AND I GO TO FUCKING HELP AND WHEN THE FUCKING POLICE COMES HE ACCUSES MY MOTHER OF FUCKING ATTEMPTING TO KILL HIM! (THAT STUPID FUCKING BASTARD! HE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING DIED! Note: A weapon was never found and there was no blood on my mothers clothes or body, to show any type of a struggle...because logic dictates, someone is trying to kill you, you'll fight back, and there were no marks on her) I HAVE TO FUCKING SEE MY MOTHER GO TO JAIL! I have to go to the police station to give another report, then I come back, only to stay awake for the next 24 hours to wait to hear from her. I finally do and I have to struggle to fucking find money to make her bail.

Fast Forward to Thursday (this week): I spend the day at the court for my mother's hearing for her case, after we get out we go get a few things done and when we come back he starts threatening to kill my mother if something happens to his lover. We go get a restraining order, and he gets kicked out of the house (What's the worse part of this whole thing is I actually felt pity for him...go figure)

Yesterday: My mother get's served with restraining order papers against her. Oh and what I like even more is what he put in order to get the papers to get the restraining order against her, my favorite things is..."Her daughter hid the knife and hatched..."

Today: My mother has had several people telling her that asshole is planning to put me in jail by involving me in somekind of shit he's planning. Oh fucking joy for me!

So that's been my last fucking weeks for those who even give a fuck, which I probably think is about two people.

So if I seem detached and like I dont give a fuck, it's maybe because I dont. So guess what if you want my fucking pity, it'll take a lot more than some petty bullshit.

This post is harsh, I know, but guess the fuck what, I DONT REALLY GIVE TWO RATS ASS! not anymore, anyway..

Adrien...Andres...Muffy....

2005-01-11T05:52:21Z

This is all a part of life, you gain friendships and you lose them. Something I've been aware for a long time now.

I had a best friend since 4th grade, her name was Tomasa and she was always the most interesting person. Eventhough I had to endure countless hours of hearing her talk about the guys she slept with, she was still my best friend and I cared for her. We went to the same elementary school, and then to the same middle school then the same high school. We caught the cheese bus everyday (the yellow school bus) and that would be the time I heard her speak of her nights of doing god knows what. When we hit high school, we started to drift apart. I became the loner, staying to myself, watching everyone from the shadows, questioning them. She became friends with a good amount of people, she was the social one. Then after our tenth grade she left, and we drifted apart, until there was nothing left. We lived near each other, but I was the loner, after all. She became pregnant and unlike most people she kept her daughter. I see her every once in awhile and thats the times I speak to her, see what's going on with her.

In high school, I was the loner, the one behind the scenes the one always watching everyone, questioning them. I was always the quiet one, the unsociable one. The one that would grin and bear it, when deep down I felt nothing but intense disdain.

There I met just about the only person I still really keep in contact with. Rosalyn, she is my best friend, we know about each other, I know about her life, she knows about mine. We have no secrets. We still hang out, though we try not to do it in our house, because the one thing we have in common, we have someone who we hate. I hate my stepfather with a passion, no one can fathom. She hates the people living in her home, because well it's something I wont disclose here.

In college, once again I was a loner, never really getting close to people, but I met a friend. Terri, she's one of the few people in my life that I'm happy I met. She understands me, I know why, and she knows why, and I'll leave it at that. She's one of the people that attend my university that I actually want to see. I miss her, I havent spoken to her in such a long time. So Terri if you read this, call me, e-mail me. I lost your number, unfortunately, and I've wanted to talk to you for the longest time now.

In my freshman year two events happened that changed my life. The first happened during the fall of my freshman year. During this time I had an online boyfriend named Scott. And let me tell you that relationship was so rocky. I cared about him deeply, to the point of where I thought I was in love with him, but I wasn't. It was just a mere infatuation. Anyway, things were alright, aside from the fact that he was a chronic...well...no one needs know that except him and I, I suppose. Anyway, things were alright, We spoke up until we got to our spring semesters. Then everything went downhill after what we constantly did (I got so damn tired of it) and then he "left" school. I didn't hear from him, not once in a few months. And it pissed me off so much. I heard from him about 4 or so months later, and the months prior, to what I like to call our "final" conversation, I didn't miss him one bit, this in some way is related to the next big event that happened during my freshman year of college.

Then during the spring semester of my freshman year I found myself going to Deckleswood more, mostly because of the stress of work, and to find a needs to escape. As most know this was during the whole Issa RP. One day the Issa RP was going on, and I was sitting in the Great Hall as Mari Magistra watching everything, when I just did something completely out of impulse, because I thought it would be fun. I had her "killed" off. And when that happened, I really didnt feel anything, it was just something fun I could do. It probably took a lot of people by surprise, but no one was more surprised than Godric. I felt so bad, and that's another thing that stays between he and I. The next day, after Mari "died" it hit me, I will never be Mari Magistra again. And the waterworks started. I realized that the person I was for a year and a few months was gone, and I would never be her again.

After that occured, I knew I needed to either create another character or find other means of entertainment. After speaking to Belinda, she allowed me to have another character and that's when Tamuril Goldenbard was born. A new character that I envisioned this petite brown haired witch from Spain. I loved her, I loved being her, it was great. I got a chance to be someone else again. I got to start new. It was great, I still remember when Tam went into the Great Hall for the first time, and Godric started hitting on her, by placing his head on her shoulder and all that. It had me grinning, and we were talking on AIM, having fun. Though I probably shouldnt have done as I did, and get together with him so soon after coming back. But it happened, and I was happy with that. I had been with Godric as a character for over a year and that was something I knew. But things happened, things that changed her life as Tamuril and mine as Mariangelis.

When I found that things were boring at home I took to staying late at my university. I spent my time in the computer lab, and spent time mostly in Deckleswood.

While I was in there, Tamuril met Damien Dolohov for the first time, and that one moment started everything. It was great, I remember what they both spoke about, and how happy and giddy it made her (which would technically be me) I think mostly because eventhough it wasnt a conversation held in the "real" world, only in RP form, it allowed me to develop her more. That and the fact that Damien, as a character (and as I would find out, as the person behind him) were so well-spoken, spoke so intelligently, and just had such an aura to them. It was great.

I knew that from that point, the main reason I even went to Deckleswood anymore, was to speak to him. It was so wonderful that Tamuril had a best friend, especially when it wasnt planned and it was so unexpected. They got close, to the point that (as everyone should know by now) they got together as characters.

When they got together, was when "Tamuril" and "Damien" began to speak outside of DW on MSN. It was still in IC but it was better than nothing. Prior to that Myself and "Damien," who I would later come to know by his real name, Adrien (He'll always be Adrien to me)/ Andres (He gave me a choice of what to call him and I chose Adrien), spoke once before during Tam and Damien's friendship level. That was the first time we ever spoke out of character, and that would be the last until those characters got together. As I said when they got together and we spoke on MSN it was IC, but eventually it began to develop out of that. We would find ourselves going in and out from IC to OCC, mostly the times we acted like insane, demented people, which just about every conversation. Those times were truly great, I cant explain it, but I would grin and laugh. It was like no one else could understand us, except the two of us, we were "Fucking Insane Friends" (and not that type of 'fucking' either).

Things developed to a far greater degree than I could ever fathom. As Tam and Damien became more and more "in-love," Adrien and I, became closer as friends. I trusted him completely. Telling him some of my most darkest secrets, secrets that are still hidden to all except a few. It went to a degree that he too let me in. It was a good time for me. I was always so happy, when I got to speak to him. Adrien/Andres(as most people know him) was special to me, and regardless of what's happened, he still is. He was the one person who could cheer me up with a comment, or just being himself. He was just that one amazing friend, and in time he would come to be known as my 'other third.' (The other part of the 'other third' to be completed by Krissy).

It was unplanned by both our sides, much like everything between Tam and Damien was, but we became close, closer than either of us ever intended. Things happened, things which will be kept in secrecy since it is of our business. But it all ended up culminating when 'Damien' as a character left.

After Andres stopped being Damien, was when I didn't see him as much, and that hurt. It hurt so much, I missed him. He was my 'other third' after all, and I would come to consider him, and he still is, one of my closest friends, a best friend. I'd do anything for him, anything. Things came to light, things that turned my world upside down. Things that helped me question Religion, more than I already had. It wasn't fair, I cried when I found out. I cried so much, it hurt so much. It hurt, especially when all I wanted to do was hug him tightly, stroke his hair and just tell him that he wasn't alone, that I would always be there for him, regardless of everything, even distance. He came back, I was happy. I was so happy for him. He deserves so much, he deserves so much out of life, he deserves to be truly happy.

Adrien and I spoke through e-mails mostly, we caught each other two or three times after he came back. Our final conversation was New Years, early New Years for him and me, though on different timezones. I wish I knew that would be the last time I would get to speak to him "one on one"...

Now we fast forward to today. I woke up, I was feeling lousy because of everything that's happened with Krissy. Though I've felt lousy...I didn't cry. Anyway, I get to work and everything was okay. For those who don't know I work at a chiropractors office, so two patients came in and we were talking and all. When they left my boss had me do some billing to various HMOs (And let me tell you that HMO's are petty, thieving bastards. They find any excuse not to pay, and I can tell you first hand that doctors don't always make as much as you think.) I tried to print some of the data out but the printer wasn't working. We change cartridges because the printer was out of ink. Still didn't work, so he decided that it was time for a new printer so we go to Staples to get one.

We buy it and go back to the office, and I jokingly ask him, "Ready to say good-bye to the printer?"(He's had that printer for 20 years) and as soon as I spoke those words the lyrics to one song popped into my head. They go, It's so hard to say good-bye to yesterday it's by Boys II Men. A second after that I got this feeling in my stomach and I instantly thought about Andres...I would later come to find out why. I leave, come home, my stepfather is out on the porch drinking with a friend. I was inside watching TV. Then I get online, and I see I have two e-mails, one is from Krissy and the other is from Andres. I click on the one from Andres first, and I was reading it. And for the first time in sometime, I felt tears come down, as I read.

The rug was slipped out from under me, for real this time. I couldn't help but cry, that e-mail was telling me it was time, that it was finally time, and I couldn't breath. I've re-read it about three times since I've gotten it.

It was his good-bye to me. His goodbye...

I know Adrien, will never see this, but I still need to post this, this is me pouring my heart out. You can say that this is my response, my goodbye to you.

I've been and I still am , to a large extent, a loner. Though I do have friends, and a few close ones that know me, I've been miserable, sad, for a large part of my life. I like to help others, to make them happy, to make them smile. And though some have tried to do the same for me, they've found it difficult to do so. Mostly, because not many understand me.

That was until I met you, Andres. You are one of the few, if not the only, person who truly understands me. Who can read me, who knows. I dont know if I would have still stayed as I am without you. And I mean trying to help others. Though everything we've shared has been to great surprise to both of us, you are and will always be important and special to me.

Even though we will never speak again, and you will probably never see this, I have to say that I love you. I love you because regardless of what you've thought, you have been one of the truest and most amazing people to have ever crossed my path. Intelligent, funny, and unpredictable, you've cheered me up, you've lifted my spirits more times than you know. The conversations we've shared, are special to me and always will be. I dont care what you say, but I'll never forget you, I refuse to, you're truly one of my true friends, and nothing can change that.

Though this has been unexpected, I will accept this, because this means you will finally get to make your own life away from all of this. I know you have a bright future ahead and I'll always be cheering for you even if we're a thousand miles away. I find myself crying again, as the tears hit the keys on my laptop...I've said it before and I say it again, I love you, Adrien.

To find true friendship is one of the hardest things we can do, it is something that not everyone gets to realize. Unexpectedly in my time in Deckleswood I found two in the forms of Krissy and Adrien. Though I wont ever see one of them again, that doesnt change what he means to me, and what he'll keep meaning to me. Dont anyone let go of something so precious, so special, like that.

He'll never see this but it doesnt matter.

Adrien, thank you for understanding me when others couldnt. Thank you for the insane moments, the weird moments, and just letting me get to know you. Thank you, for allowing me to meet such an exceptional person and friend. Thank you for giving me my muse. You are my muse, you will always be my muse, after all you created one of my favorites characters to use. You helped me develop into a stronger writer. Thank you, my muse. Please dont ever think less of yourself, I still think the world of you. You deserve happiness and so much more. I hope your future is as bright as I always knew it could be. And finally, dont ever forget what you mean to me.

So to you Adrien, Andres, Damien, Lucifer, Muffy, and finally my Dear Pimp...

I love you always and forever...

How I feel right now...how I'll feel for a long time...

Una Palabra by Carlos Veralo
Si un día me faltas no seré nada
y al mismo tiempo lo seré todo
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo,
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo.

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-10T02:15:00

2005-01-10T07:15:53Z

Today was just...

Well I'll leave it at that. I stayed up waiting for someone but no sign of them. I have work tomorrow, so I better go to bed.

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-08T23:52:00

2005-01-09T04:38:29Z

And so it has begun...

For those who have read my livejournals since the beginning, you know of my deepest turmoils and even my inner demons. The things I've gone through day to day, to even certain events of my life.

Everyday is different in some form. One day your smiling, and the other your frowning. These are the facts of life, no one can be happy forever. It's just not likely, there will always be challanges, turmoils, problems, etc. to deal with.

There are certain things that you HAVE to deal with, which you would otherwise like to forget. But it's those things that cause regret in your life, a regret that can haunt you even in your deathbed.

As a psychology student, I've learnt about many disorders and ways people can cope with them. But there is another thing I learned about, something that has still stuck with me.

When the elderly are in their deathbed, the things they regret most, are not what they've done in their lives. It's the things they havent done. The things they always dreamed about but never did, or the things that they could never resolve.

To have a problem present, and not doing anything to fix it, is probably the worst thing you could do.

Last night I felt that, I had a nagging feeling that would not leave me alone. And though I tried hard to forget it, to ignore it, to deny it, nothing happened. I knew I only had one thing to do and it was acknowlodge it, get it out in the open and try to find some way of fixing it. Unfortunately that didnt happen, I can understand why, but at the same time, it made me question even more, and then it hit me. It hit me like a lightning bolt striking a tree.

No matter what, you cannot run away from your problems. You cannot hide from them, wishing them away. They will remain as constants in your life until you address them. They will eat at you, until you try to find some way to resolve them.

To address a problem is probably the hardest thing in the world, you dont want to deal with them after all. So I'm addressing mine.

My problem is the last few days I've felt extremely depressed, so much so, that I began to think thoughts about my best friend, about my sister. Thoughts that were skewed because of the dark hole I felt.

I tried to address it, but as I said, it didnt exactly go well. And now, I sit here wondering when I'll be able to speak with said person. I miss her terribly and I want her to understand that there is always a way to fix something, especially our friendship.

Friendship is one of the hardest things to keep in life. Friends come and go, taking with them happiness and sadness. I read a comment from an old post that basically said you needed to adjust to new things.

You were right, completely right. Adjusting is hard as well, and so is the fact that you dont want to let go. But when you know you have to, then you do.

But my friendship with my "sister" is not it. It's not time to let go, and it's not time to find a new friend. It's time to talk and try to find a resolution.

If anyone takes anything away from this post, then I hope it's the fact that we have to deal with the things we dont want to. We have to acknowledge and address our problems, and try to fix them. At least until we realize that it's the end, or that there's still some hope.

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-07T21:59:00

2005-01-08T02:59:04Z

So this is what we call life?

We're forced to deal with what we dont want. But thats not always a bad thing, when you have hope of saving something dear to you, especially a friendship. Especially the friendship with someone whom you couldnt imagine your life without now.

So this is life?

2005-01-08T01:02:50Z

I have that feeling again. I thought, I was hoping, it was all just a momentary thing, but it crossed my mind again.

Maybe, in the end, I wasnt "creating" monsters but seeing how things truly are.

It's always a sad day when anyone loses faith in the world but can they be blamed when they feel the world has turned it's back on them?

Life is something determined in a cause and effect system. When something happens it effects the way a person acts, things, feel, etc.

Hopelessness is not a feeling that someone "learns," it is not a feeling that anyone willingly or in sound mind wants to feel. But it is a feeling that one is forced to feel when they believe everything has gone bad.

Anger, is a feeling that we have all felt, some feel it with more intensity than others. And at times anger is used as a tool of survival. It is a tool of survival for some. I am one of those "some."
Who in their right minds would rather feel sadness than anger? Anger helps you cope, it helps you survive, and it helps you from feeling what you know will become an emotion of destruction.

Hatred, such a intense feeling. Something which can make or break you. We can use that emotion as a guide to a better life, or as a guide to what would ruin our lives.
Those who use it to better their lives, take what experiences caused them such an intense emotion and use their energies for good. But those who use it as a tool for the destruction of their life, take the path that will lead them to jail, prison, or an internal hell.

Emotions
They shape our lives. Every single one of them shape what the next day will bring. We give in to at least one of them each day, and whether we realize it or not, that one emotion shapes a part of the rest of our lives. How can they not? A moment of blind rage, could break us, could rip and tear at our lives. It could bring us into depths of the human psyche we never thought we had.

We all do things in order to survive, no matter who you are, our emotions help us survive each day. When we're sad we cry to calm ourselves, when we're happy we smile, when we're in shock most of us get blank expressions, etc.

Everything we feel, for the most part, is a defense mechanism.

To me denial, depression, anger, and hatred shape my life. They are the emotions that allow me to keep moving, to keep going in life. Though the emotions that allow me to survive to live another day, arent the best ones, they are the ones that are shaping my life. Everything deals with contexts, and though we all see them as dark, if you look a little deeper, you'll find that those emotions have more depth to them, more than anyone can imagine.

There is always something much deeper than what we are led to believe. All we need to do is take the time to look a little a deeper.

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-06T18:06:00

2005-01-06T22:42:12Z

Happy Three Kings Day to those who celebrate it. So most likely only hispanics and people who are Orthodox celebrate it and know what I'm on about:-p
Anyway this marks the end of OUR Holiday celebration. :-p And yes we do celebrate from Dec 24th till Jan 6th :-p

It's been a surprisingly okay day. I woke up late, called into work and my boss gave me the day off so I was happy about that. After that I checked the mail and I got my 'Wicker Park' DVD :D I was so happy. I started watching it right away.

That was such a good movie. Parts of the plot reminded of three certain characters. If anyone has a chance to watch the movie do, it's actually a very good movie. Oh and Amy, since you're a Rose Byrne fan you should watch it :P I felt so bad for her character >_> Well up until they showed how everything occured.

After that, my mom and I started speaking about her duties in her job, and I had to let her know that what they're making her do is bordering a fine line between duties and abuse.

Watched part of 'The Passion of the Christ.' *rolls eyes* Yes, the agnostic, was watching that movie. I only got tosee part of it because my mom wanted to watch one of her shows *rolls eyes*:-p

Now, I'm just sitting back and hanging out. Ohh, and about to eat lots of junk food :D:-p Thought I'd splurge on myself a bit. Waiting for a certain someone to come back *pokes Abi-Dam* Contemplating watching another DVD, eh but who knows. I think I'll sit here and wait for Quincy's story, because he better have it or I'll keel him :-p

And in the immortal words of the talented, contraversial, and extremely hillarious Dave Chappelle, from his self-titled show, 'Chappelle's Show':

"Konichiwa Bitches!"

Edit for Jamie:

Quincy says: "I am busy, but I am going to hug you and belt you with the pole and I am taking my plank back very soon."

Convos rolls eyes and giggles

2005-01-06T05:04:37Z

A Conversation with Quincy, it's never a dull moment xD!:P :

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
*shock face MSN smiley x 6*

The Third Doctor ( Like a teardrop in your palm.) says:
What? *shock face*

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
I was looking for pictures of Tam, and I came across a picture with her breast out *shock face x4*

The Third Doctor ( Like a teardrop in your palm.) says:
WHERE?!

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
ROTFLMFAO! :?

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
Remember that breast is property of Damien Dolohov

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
*URL to pic*

The Third Doctor ( Like a teardrop in your palm.) says:
Who? *angel face*:?

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
*thwaps* You know who *rab*:?

The Third Doctor ( Like a teardrop in your palm.) says:
Doctor? :?

The Third Doctor ( Like a teardrop in your palm.) says:
Now THAT is a nipple shot! :?

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
LMFAO! :?

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
I should so post that part on my LJ it was funny :?

The Third Doctor ( Like a teardrop in your palm.) says:
Go for it. :?

The Third Doctor ( Like a teardrop in your palm.) says:
AND THE PIC!

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
FUCK NO! *shock face* :?

The Third Doctor ( Like a teardrop in your palm.) says:
Okay, then "the original" nipple shot. :?

Mood Swings, yay *sarcasm* {Visit www.cloverridge.cjb.net} says:
No:P Stop calling it that, and I keep telling those nipples are property of Damien xD! :P

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-05T23:36:00

2005-01-06T04:20:06Z

I got bored and this was the result of it:

Lookie and Stacy and Ricardo Goldenbard *cough then puts an angel face*
Tam's dad is so hot :P *feels bad for lusting after him xD! :P*
At least now we know where she got her looks from ;p That was them when they were a bit younger ;):P

And I'm still trying to learn CSS in the hopes of knowing enough to make my own Desperate Housewives Layout, but it looks like it aint gonna happen >_<;:? At least I tried, but no Desperate Housewives Layout for me :(, unless hell freezes over o.O;

So *crosses fingers* FREEZE OVER HELL! FREEZE OVER! xD! :P

On another note I REALLY should stop reading spoilers. Desperate Housewives better be on this Sunday *rabs at ABC and sniffles* I didnt get to watch it last Sunday because those bastards didnt give it :(

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-04T22:24:00

2005-01-05T03:24:22Z

Gus and Hera got eliminated tonight :(

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-04T19:52:00

2005-01-05T00:50:58Z

Time passes on, with it bringing joy and pain to all
Some experience joy, while others experiece the pains of life
Time always changes
Friends see those changes, hopefully for the best
But there is one constant with the changes of time
This is my story
Smiles adorn faces
Tears stain places
But my face never changes
This is my story
People move on
Trying to do whats best
But I sit
Knowing that this is my fate
This is my story
The story which will forever keep be awake

Life

2005-01-04T00:42:50Z

It's always an odd feeling when you come to a realization about your life. In the past year I had 2 epiphanies about my own life. I know what I need to do, and I'd like to think I'm on my way towards that goal.

But tonight, it was just weird. I cant explain it but with something like this I suppose you cant.

When it dawned upon me, it made me re-think of something a friend let me see a few months a go. A 'letter' which was meant for someone else, but they could never send. It let me into their lives for a moment, and it just reminded me of it instantly.

It was just one part of it "Have you ever..." I didnt think I would remember it, but that was the one part that stood out, I suppose the fact that it was a re-occuring theme to what was written.

Though I like to think my friend has since changed that mode of thinking, it makes me ask the same question.

Have you ever felt so alone, that the things that gave you joy no longer have that affect? Have you ever felt so hollow and broken, that everything you see of the world is done from a cynical stand-point? Have you ever been in a dark silent room and felt more alive and more at home than a place that was sunny and full of life?

Have you ever had that feeling that no matter how much someone says "I'm here for you," you question them? Have you ever felt, that no matter how much a person gives off the sense that they "care," that deep down they dont? Have you ever wondered why you should care so much, when others dont?

Or have you ever questioned all the "good" in the world?

This is not pessimism and this is not negativity. This is just a question, a question that longs to be answered, that longs to be explained.

What's even worse than those questions, is the realization, that you truly are alone, and that is how you'll remain.

I'm going to kindly ask, to whoever reads this and wants to comment, dont comment if its going to be something like "hugs" or "everything will be alright." Dont waste your time or energies. And this is me being cynical. I dont want to think about the positive or the "what could be's."

Maybe deep down I'm more at home with the dark thoughts.

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-03T18:35:00

2005-01-03T23:35:07Z

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."
-Socrates

Words that have never been spoken so wisely. Socrates was right, because on the occassions we believe we know, we come to find that we really know nothing.

Life is nothing more than just one big lesson. We learn something new everyday whether we realize it or not.

In that, for those who take the time, we come to the conclusion that what we believed was wisdom was nothing more than our own realizations of the world around us.

The world changes quickly, without warning, and our only truth is we must find a way to adapt and survive.

Life all comes down to one thing.

Survival of the Fittest

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-02T20:48:00

2005-01-03T01:48:49Z

Today was long, very long. >_<;

No Desperate Housewives tonight:(

I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. I'll try to be positive about it.

Ohh, I may end up posting old chatsaves soon too! Especially since I finished sifting through the 200 or so old ones:P So keep it here for that:P

Konnichiwa Bitches!

atrociousdemon @ 2005-01-01T02:13:00

2005-01-01T07:13:40Z

*smiles* So far, 2005 has been okay.

Oh and:
Thanks, that definately made my year *laughs* wow, arent you special:P (And I think this person knows that this is directed towards them)

Happy New Year.

Oompa lumpa!

2004-12-31T02:40:24Z

I saw Tam's 'sons' in The Butterfly Effect! :D They look just like they're father *rolls eyes* No denying they're Dolohovs.

Aside from that, I got my package from Jane/Rini today! She bought me the cutest moose stuffed animal, it's so fat and cuddly and I love it!:D Ohh and she sent me chocolates! Now to buy her gift :p Ohh I'm going to put 'Moosey' with 'Jo John'*my gift from Krissy* (dont ask *rolls eyes*:P) so they can be friends:D xD! I'm so freaking childish!

Lucifer whenever you see 'me' IE: this post :P, get off your lazy ass and e-mail me *rolls eyes* :P

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, and I think me and my mom are going to stay up watching the spanish channel, and watch the new year from New York and Puerto Rico! Oh and drink apple cider.

Well, I'm going to just stare at pictures of Damien, and try to get inspiration for my story (ies) So many to write and no inspiration >_<; Maybe I'll luck out.

Konnichiwa Bitches.

atrociousdemon @ 2004-12-28T23:39:00

2004-12-29T04:37:04Z

It's so damn cold over here. And I'm cranky, and sleepy, and hungry. Just felt like whining 'bout stuff :P I seldom get to whine about regular stuff, thought I might as well do it now:P
I also miss someone terribly. And I miss the warmthness of Spring! Ohh today I got my nametag and my very own Doctor's jacket, it made me feel all professional and shit. That's enough rambling for today. Sayonara.

atrociousdemon @ 2004-12-27T23:51:00

2004-12-28T04:52:16Z

Ohh a twist

atrociousdemon @ 2004-12-27T18:28:00

2004-12-27T23:19:30Z

Today I woke up with white streets. Apparently it snowed last night, and I didnt realize till my mother woke me up and told me. Had to go to work, and it was kinda slow, so we managed to catch up on a good amount of work. Got home, and found I had three letters waiting for me, made me feel special and all that.

I come online and see an all out comment-a-thon on my LJ :P. Hope Andres and Amy had fun:P

But I wont lie...I got sad because I want to talk to you Andres...Miss our conversations...And it kinda sucks when others get to talk to you and I cant...

Gonna wait for Krissy to get back, see if I can cheer her up :)

Arrive Derci

Edit: This is for Krissy and myself.

Absolutely Gorgeous, shame he'll never really be JRM. He'll always be Damien.

And this is for me. James Denton as Mike Delfino from Desperate Housewives:

Oh and Jess, please dont write with that green pen again, I could barely read what you wrote. Oh and on another note, Jeremy was a fucking heartless, idiotic, paranoid, delusional asshole! :) And I regret wasting those 7 months of my life on him.

Forgot to put this too:

Rest In Peace, Reggie White.